We are Blessed Children of This Universe (and our Moms) if we have found Ratu Bagus and this practice!!

One of the first areas in my life where I noticed a positive change after I started shaking was my relationship with my mother.

Up until I started shaking in 2013, my relationship with my mom was full of love, anger, pain and arguments to try to make each other understand our own points of view on our relationship and as well on Life.

I had been living overseas since I was 17 and our routine whenever I visited Istanbul was the first few days would be like a honeymoon and on the 4th day I could feel mom sharpening her knives and swords and I could also sense my missiles getting in place to be launched. Since I did a lot of therapy trainings, I would excuse myself to go and stay with a friend a few days to give some space so that we would not hurt each other. She was very strong in her mind and I was very strong in my opinion of what lives are really about and lecture her on spiritual reality.

After spending 4 months in the ashram on my first visit (where I had very strong processes) I went back to Turkey. My mom was curious and a bit sceptical of my new ‘interest’ in bio energy shaking yoga and Ratu Bagus. However, I saw a happily surprised look in her eyes.  She saw a big change in me. She even asked me to show her how one shakes. After a minute she said ‘I have no power on my left side’ and sat down. I told her how we notice these blocks in our bodies and we continue just shaking and that if she did, she would one day realize that she got her power on her left side too. (I did not tell her that she would process along the way!) But she said she was too lazy and old to do it.  Internally I knew it was my job to do it for myself and for her…

The shaking practice and Ratu had done a cleaning on me beyond my imagination. An incident I had with my mom on that same visit was a proof of it and a new beginning in our relationship. I was taking something out of the fridge and she criticized me very harshly as she often did. I did not respond by attacking her back this time but fell on my bum from the strong negative energy. As I fell I saw the shock on her face as she heard herself and experienced her own energy for the first time. She had a strong mother’s ego. She wanted to apologize but could not. She cracked up a joke. I laughed with her even though there was an urge in my mind to say ‘remember I told you your criticism crippled me in my childhood and wounded me’. I did not follow the voice in my head but just went along, we laughed together and I saw a wall between us crumble down…

From that moment on, we became two souls entangled in a very intimate relationship as mother and daughter supporting one another in our individual growth. We shared and talked about everything without trying to fix each other and shared openly the Love. I never had to go and stay with friends.

During my last visit to Turkey I was occupied with taking care of my dad  in and out of state hospitals for 7 months and I got to spend very little time with my mom. I went back to Bali. The process with my dad was strong and again full of magic but I did not shake to restore my energy regularly so I ended up having a stent put into an already bypassed artery. I was longing to get back ‘Home’, had two 10 day stays in the ashram and went back at the end of January. I felt that I was ready to dive deep and open a new chapter as I arrived on my bike from Ubud in pouring rain.

Then I got the news that my mom was in the hospital and she was waiting for the test results from the oncology department. I went straight to Ratu. I felt very calm and strong and since my passport was in immigration I thought to shake strong till the passport was ready. The night I told Ratu about her situation, I was told mom did not feel pain and had a very peaceful sleep. It was amazing how unworried I was as Ratu prepared me to take the high energy that is beyond time, space, worry and pain to Turkey.
I also had a dream in which my mom was asking me to take care of three very cute looking strange pets and in the dream I told her that they cannot live inside my house! The energy was making sure that I did not take over her sickness.

I had trouble booking my flight back, but I kept reminding myself to stay in the trust. By the time I bought my ticket, the price had gone down! I flew on a plane that was totally full except for a free seat next to me on both the planes!

I went straight to the hospital from the airport in Istanbul and to my surprise found my mother for the first time very open to Ratu. She wanted to be washed and wear the T-shirt from Ratu that I brought. She wanted to drink the small bottle of water I had asked Ratu to bless. My brother had already brought the photo of Ratu and me as well as the small statue of the Medicine Buddha with a silver Ratu medallion that I had bought and was blessed by Ratu in 2013.

I shook and sat on her bed repeating at times the Balinese alphabet, at times the Gayatri mantra and meditated. By this time the doctors told us that she had stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to her liver, her bones and her lymphatic system. Mom told me that she wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. I said: ‘The message is taken and delivered mom but the timing is in God’s hands, we have to make the best of it till then’, and we did exactly that!

Right around this time, I had a dream. In my dream I was in Turkey and my mom was in the ashram in the restaurant queue! She was telling me that she could not understand this guy’s English and she wanted me to tell him that she was my mom!

I knew Ratu got her feet in the ashram already and the rest was up to God. She was receiving radiotherapy to ease her pain but her body was deteriorating rapidly. I was by her side, watching her suffering not so much due to pain but the karmic cleaning she was going through. All I could do was respect what was going on and be there for her for whatever she needed. She was suffering but every now and then I could bring her spirit up. In the middle of the radiotherapy, she started to ask me to take her home and I felt her death was near. Against the doctors’ opinions, I called my brother back from south of Turkey and we made arrangements to prepare mom’s bedroom with all the necessary such as hospital bed, oxygen machines and the UV stands. Her last morning in the hospital mom looked as if she could die any moment. I sat next to her bed and meditated. In the meditation I saw what Ratu was doing for her, for us! There were three Holy people passing a golden ball of light between themselves and then one of them threw the ball where my mother was lying. On the side there were what looked like computer programs running at top speed, I knew her program was being cleaned from viruses! And then I saw Him!!! Jesus was looking at us with the golden sun behind him and this amazing blue light was pouring down. I felt the compassion, the love all over my body.

The five nights she had in her own house were an intense and deep experience for all of us. She said ‘I am sorry, I am dying Aysem’ and I said ’I know mom, do not worry, I am here and Ratu is waiting for you’.

Both me and my brother took turns to change her nappies and joked with her that it was our time to return the favour for when we were babies. As I sang the Gayatri mantra to her, I asked Ratu to borrow my eyes to look into the pain in my mom’s eyes. On the day she died the recording of Ratu singing the Gayatri mantra relaxed her and I could see a surrender taking the place of the fight. It was a very foggy night, outside on the balcony the scenery was like that of a high mountain over the clouds. I told her if she was ready, it was a very romantic night to make her jump. She went into this trance state but I kept touching her third eye, holding her hand and singing the Gayatri mantra with a depth that I had not noticed before. 

I only stepped out of her room to put on my pyjamas when the nurse came to my room asking if he should do CPR. I walked right back in, singing the Gayatri mantra, saying the Alphabet and this joy came all over me!!! I was dancing shaking celebrating to the shocked faces of my brother and the nurse.

I did not feel sad; I did not feel a loss. I only had Gratitude and felt blessed. Gratitude for our journey in this life. Gratitude for all we shared. Blessed to have her as my mom for she was a beauty and also a very nutty character. Blessed to have found Ratu and what he has been doing for me and for my family.

According to the Islamic burial rituals, the corpses are washed before the burial so I prepared rice water with the blessed rice I took back with me. I washed her head with this rice water and I performed a thank you ritual for my mom’s body, especially her feet. She took the body for granted and never took care of it and never loved it as Ratu is trying to teach us. I closed my eyes to see if there was anything of her there lying on the slate but she was not there.

Her funeral was on a beautiful sunny day and I comforted all the sad people, managed to make all of them laugh and as we put her body in the earth, I kept throwing blessed tobacco in her grave. She was a chain smoker so this was the joke of the day…

As I try to share this amazing experience, I feel myself; I feel the specialness Ratu is talking about. My gratitude is more than my vocabulary can express. Life is Beautiful, precious and sacred. And I am so happy and proud to be where and how I am in it in this moment.